I think I figured out why my Dad always said to run as fast as you can. 

I am in a foul mood.  John has pissed me off tremendously.  He tells me the day my daughter dropped me off at house, she couldn't escape me soon enough.  He says, "And what did you do to poor Blanche?  You let this poor woman in your life and you piss on her."

"I didn't piss on her."

"Don't be so literal."

Oh.  Okay.  John gives me a tongue lashing.  I am just this really mean, horrible, vinidictive person and I am thinking What? 

Okay, so this is what happened and John doesn't want to take ownership of any of this.  It is easy to blame me because I am the drunk.  Talk about someone twisting words..he can do it good.

I innocently go to log on to the computer and see he wrote down cupasugar.  I can't breathe.  He discounts my feelings and says he is competing with Busch Lite. 

So, this is what my pea brain is thinking.  You know what?  I am not doing anything wrong.  I am sitting here loving you and that isn't enough for you. 

I am going to say it as I have before.  I am just a dirty little secret who he cares little about.

Fuck him. 

I wish I didn't love his sweet ass. 

HOLY FUCKIN SHIT.  Jessica asked me to get birth control this morning. 


( Read more... )

Okay. This is the craziest thought I ever had in my life.  I was laying on John's couch and I just wanted to smack the shit out of him.  I mean, I really just wanted to hit him over and over again.  Then, I thought:  hmmph.  If I hit him, I would be charged with elderly abuse.  And in Florida, that is a pretty serious offense.  It would not be in my best interest to hit John.


( Read more... )

I reconnect with the church lady, Blanche.  It feels good to pray again and study the bible.  But, Blanche goes easy on me and we don't study too hard.  I ask her the two questions that are forefront in my mind:  is my brother burning in hell and why am I afflicted with alcoholism? 


( Read more... )

I had a really nice Mother's day.  But, I think everyday is Mother's day because I have such a beautiful daughter.  I told Jessica that and she said, "Awww, Mom...that is so sweet."  This Mother's day was monumental because it was donut day! 


( Read more... )

It is sad when you look in the mirror and don't recognize the reflection.

Hmmm...It has been a LONG time since I've commented about current events.  John Travolta.  Really?  The guy likes the strange?  And, I mean really strange?  Nah, I am not buying it.  There is nothing in that guy's past that even eludes to a homosexual tendency.  He has been a good lover, husband, father.  I just don't want to believe it.


( Read more... )

Woohoo me!  My visit to Officer Knight went well.  I blew a 00.00!  She talked to Mike, Paul's I guess replacement.  She said that Mike didn't know what happened to Paul.  Mike admitted to Officer Knight the whole situation is strange.  He doesn't have an office or a phone line.  I guess the VA is thinking that Paul is coming back.  But where the heck is he? 


( Read more... )